What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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