Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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