Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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