party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
