The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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