i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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