Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
