So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
