Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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