Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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