no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
