Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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