I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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