dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
