I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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