I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want nice things and good sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
