it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's always time for handjobs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
