PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
