I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we're so committed to being not committed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
