I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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