hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
