That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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