i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
