Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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