? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You ruined the universe
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
