I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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