I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
