I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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