Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
