Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
