i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
