Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
