im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
