Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
