I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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