I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
