i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize