And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
