I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
