If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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