she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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