Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
