Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
