Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
