: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
