there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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