Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
