just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
