I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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