I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
