One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Can Purell be used as lube?
there's paper in my vomit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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