I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
