Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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