i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
