I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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