My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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