Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize