That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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