My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
