Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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