Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
