Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
