Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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