your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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