That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone owes me an orgasm
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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