Already got asked if we're dating
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
