if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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