I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
