Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
