i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
