piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
